THE PARANOIA OF THE WEEK!

Our paranoia this week is a computer virus. Not just any old computer virus, though, this computer virus is capable of infecting humans. It is called the typus contagious virus. When it infects your computer, the typus contagious virus creates electronically synthesized versions of typhoid bacillus, an organism that always appears in italics and often causes typhoid fever. This virus is excreted by your computer's CPU out onto the keyboard where it mixes with other types of viruses and bacteria and where it can easily jump on to your fingers and pass into your body.

The electronic version of typus contagious has been known to be wandering the internet for at least six weeks now and several cases of typhoid fever have been reported throughout the world in that time span. It can sneak into your system at anytime without you knowing it as long as you're connected to the internet. Fortunately, there is a way to prevent typus from infecting your computer. The security features of Java have been known to defeat the virus. Just pour a piping hot cup of Java over your keyboard before you log into the internet and you should be safe from this perilous infection. This virus, like most others, can also be avoided by deleting all italic fonts on your computer.

If you have a favorite paranoia, send us an email about it. If we use it in a future Paranoia of the Week we will take full credit for it ourselves!