THIS MONTH IN PARANOIDAL HISTORY

Nixon image goes here. Mao image goes here. In this month in 1972, President Richard Nixon made his historic visit to China. While he was there, accompanied by Henry Kissinger, George Bush and G. Gordon Liddy, President Nixon signed a secret pact, allowing China to control the fate of the entire world in exchange for two semi-retarded panda bears named Ling-Ling and Sing-Sing.

The president felt compelled to forfeit the fate of the world because Chinese leader Mao Tse Tung showed him evidence of China's alliance with a very powerful and violent species of aliens called The Yeti. These large, white, hairy, beast-like aliens which have been known as "The Abominable Snowmen," had formed a military alliance with communist China and threatened to vaporize the United States and the rest of the world if Nixon and the United Nations refused to recognize communist China as supreme economic ruler of the world.

In the 25 years since then, China has slowly been gaining in economic and political power and The Yetis have been more and more active as we can see by the increase in cattle mutilations and sightings of "big-foot" monsters around the world. (The big-foots are a slave-race that serves The Yeti.) It won't be long now before we will all be speaking Chinese and devoting our entire lives to serving The Yeti, all because of this historic meeting between President Nixon and Chairman Mao, twenty five years ago this month in PARANOIDAL history.

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